Miss Me?

Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. Who’d really miss an inconsistent blogger? My writing isn’t that good!!

These past couple of years were tough — and anybody who says otherwise lives in a special bubble. So no “woe is me,” no excuses as to why I’ve been horrible at updating. I’ve just been… sad? mad? I’ve been glad, too! Not had, though. Maybeeee a little bad.

Of course the pandemic was a bit crazy. And I pulled up my last update just to see what y’all last knew about me. And, honestly, I cried a little. But, I also laughed a little. When I really think about it, I didn’t get into writing to necessarily share my story. I got into writing because I love it. I remember day dreaming in middle school, short little plots, and then running home and writing (uncompleted) short stories. Then, I had a whole fan-fic period that started in high-school and continued through college (yeah, no, I will NOT be sharing ANY of those so don’t even think about looking through Quizilla and WattPad!). Next, whilst in college, I started writing (for free, lmfao) for an online magazine. Still wrote (uncompleted) short stories though. After, I graduated college and went to law school. And I got very, very depressed. Suicidal level depressed. It was bad. And I hated the city I was in. During that time, I was not writing. I was not able to pen my thoughts. Sure, a whole lot of things, changes, were happening during that time, too. But I lost my main form of escape; I had stopped writing completely.

And that’s how this blog came to be. Somebody said “How can you hate this city without exploring it?” So, I decided to explore and do them one better: write about it. And as I wrote about the restaurants, I ended up weaving in some of my personal life (and let’s be honest, y’all were reading for the mess and the pics of food, not necessarily the descriptions of it!). I didn’t feel “cured” but I definitely felt “relieved.” Law school came and went. I graduated. And life got hard. I had an unpaid fellowship doing legal-policy work. I then pivoted into environmental law and consulting. THEN THE PANDEMIC!!! Then some in-house pharma work. And that’s where we last left off.

Whew, y’all… Fall 2020, got some bad news about my work position. But also got a new puppy! Friends! Meet Nala :). Anyways, back to work… It was a bit wishy-washy and with the corporate changes and me moving from biologics to consumer health… I wasn’t certain about my future at the company (ended up staying for months after, anyways). I made a huge (and in retrospect, I didn’t realize how huge) leap from huge pharma company (in terms of workforce and personnel) to a healthtech company. I turned down a higher paying pharma job (there were other issues here, like working in person HAH), for this contractor position. I was so excited about this change, y’all. I couldn’t stop GUSHING about the position. I loved it.

…

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yeah

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Not saying I dislike the position, but the novelty wore off, and the stark differences between my old job and my new job were hyper magnified. And… I was so concerned about my future there since I wanted to be a FTE (full-time employee/equivalent/employed, etc) but was still in this contractor position (and, chile… whew, the stress!) And I won’t lie, I had a career breakdown. I cried for days. I called up my old manager and old co-workers. And they’d be glad to bring me back. And I almost took it, I really almost did, but after another breakdown and talking to objective third-party participants, I decided I needed to make (or try to make) the current position work for me. I skipped the quintessential law firm training and went straight in-house into one of the most supportive work places ever. In short, my current position is more like the real world than my last position was. So, I decided I’d be more assertive and proactive in my learning.

Well, that lead to other issues — but we’re working through that! Y’all and this career breakdown wasn’t even related to two dramas had to deal with before EOY21! But that’s enough tea.

And through this time… I went and got a boob lift, Nov ’21! MAJOR SURGERY. WOW! Just a lift, so the girls are more or less the same size, just perkier, teehee! Looking back at it… I don’t necessarily regret it (maybe just the provider), but I didn’t realize how badly major surgery would affect my mood. I was irate, sad, upset, tired… It was bad, and I was not expecting it. And it was during winter, so that seasonal depression. They do say misery loves company. But had I known how arduous this would have been… bay-biieeeeeeeeeee, let me tell you I would have just gotten work done head to toe?? I did some lymphatic massages to help with any fluid build up and pain management, and then, I started some body contouring massages. Are they working? I sure do hope so, but body dysmorphia always gets in the way of actually visualizing how my body looks.

Then, Feb ’22, found out my cousin got murdered. What a… There are no words. I sat here for a couple of moments to think about what I would say, and there was nothing.

Stupid shit happened with men, though. A whole lotta stupid shit!!! I was bad, down bad? Down terrible? Not that bad, honestly. We’re just going to skip through the men… Each of them honestly deserve their own mini-series on this blog.

During this time, I had felt something was missing. So I got back into some things I enjoyed: cooking and seeing my friends. That didn’t “plug” the hole. I got back into pilates. Didn’t help. I decided to start yoga. That is helping… but not there. Then one day, I woke up, and I thought about this blog. And I missed it. I missed writing. And more importantly, I missed the cathartic feeling of writing everything down.

I don’t have any promises to make — I hate breaking promises, especially when I’m making them to somebody else (y’all). I do have a promise to myself to always better myself.

What that looks like… I’m not sure. We’re going to go through this journey together — and I’ll try to document it every step of the way. Life is about the good, but it’s also about the bad. I’ve been so focused about sharing the good, that when the times got rough, I completely disconnected. I had to tell myself that it’s okay to share the bad: that’s life! It’s all about balance and creating my narrative.

So stay tuned for changes.